Simple Adjustments Produce Major Changes
“I wish my spouse would (fill in the blank), then I wouldn’t have to…” You can fill in the blanks with just about anything. I don’t think there is a home in America where these kinds of phrases are not uttered in some fashion.
Have you noticed that whenever a problem comes up our first thoughts are that everyone else around us should change? I have sat in my counseling office listening to men and women who have been divorced multiple times telling me how each of their former spouses had the same problem. After a few minutes I just can’t help myself. I am almost compelled by some outside force to lean forward and ask, “What is the only constant in each of those relationships? What is that one common thread?”
To me the answer is obvious, it’s them!
I have to wonder if we would adjust our perspective just a little bit, if our lives wouldn’t make a major change for the positive. Let’s think about this! When we come across a problem we typically think that if we can change our situation, whether by moving, quitting our job, divorcing our spouse, making more money, etc. that our problem would go away.
In reality, the problem still exists. Those environmental changes cover up the problem for a little while, but there is always one thing that is still there that hasn’t changed- US! We are the constant in most of our problems!
We spend an enormous amount of energy trying to change everyone else, when the only person we really have any chance of changing is ourselves. No wonder we walk around so frustrated all the time!
When a problem comes our way the first thought we need to consider is, “What can I do to make this better? What is it I need to start doing or stop doing that can improve this situation?”
For those of you who think I am crazy, ask your self this question, “If my spouse, boss, friend, etc. would start considering how they can change, how much would the situation improve?” Would it improve a little or a lot? Would it be a positive improvement or a negative one? Be honest!
Now, if you think this will work for everyone else in your life, what is it that keeps you from realizing that it will also work if you did it?
Remember:
You are the constant in the majority of your relationship problems
You can’t control anyone but yourself
If others making minor changes can improve the situation, then you making minor changes can too!
Do you really want your situation to get better? If so, what is it you can do or stop doing that will facilitate that change? Now, go write it down and commit to doing it! Your future is in your hands!
Johnny Walker is a Christian Counselor and the founder of Family Works Counseling. You can reach him at (770) 456-5547
Have you noticed that whenever a problem comes up our first thoughts are that everyone else around us should change? I have sat in my counseling office listening to men and women who have been divorced multiple times telling me how each of their former spouses had the same problem. After a few minutes I just can’t help myself. I am almost compelled by some outside force to lean forward and ask, “What is the only constant in each of those relationships? What is that one common thread?”
To me the answer is obvious, it’s them!
I have to wonder if we would adjust our perspective just a little bit, if our lives wouldn’t make a major change for the positive. Let’s think about this! When we come across a problem we typically think that if we can change our situation, whether by moving, quitting our job, divorcing our spouse, making more money, etc. that our problem would go away.
In reality, the problem still exists. Those environmental changes cover up the problem for a little while, but there is always one thing that is still there that hasn’t changed- US! We are the constant in most of our problems!
We spend an enormous amount of energy trying to change everyone else, when the only person we really have any chance of changing is ourselves. No wonder we walk around so frustrated all the time!
When a problem comes our way the first thought we need to consider is, “What can I do to make this better? What is it I need to start doing or stop doing that can improve this situation?”
For those of you who think I am crazy, ask your self this question, “If my spouse, boss, friend, etc. would start considering how they can change, how much would the situation improve?” Would it improve a little or a lot? Would it be a positive improvement or a negative one? Be honest!
Now, if you think this will work for everyone else in your life, what is it that keeps you from realizing that it will also work if you did it?
Remember:
You are the constant in the majority of your relationship problems
You can’t control anyone but yourself
If others making minor changes can improve the situation, then you making minor changes can too!
Do you really want your situation to get better? If so, what is it you can do or stop doing that will facilitate that change? Now, go write it down and commit to doing it! Your future is in your hands!
Johnny Walker is a Christian Counselor and the founder of Family Works Counseling. You can reach him at (770) 456-5547
posted by Johnny Walker at 10:05 PM
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