New Year's Resolutions

I resolve not to make a new year’s resolution!  That used to be my list!  Of course, as John Mark once pointed out to me that as soon as I resolved to not make a resolution, I already failed because I made one. 

So, this year I actually came up with a resolution: I will actually exercise, even though it goes against my philosophy of “No pain, no pain!”  I am going to limit my exercise to sit ups.  I might do more than that, but that is all I am going to “resolve.” 

Why am I limiting myself to only one resolution?  Probably to limit the number of failures within the month of January.  I call this one, the better safe than sorry approach.

There are many different ways to go about this resolution making process.  Some people actually list out a good number of resolutions in hopes that they will be able to keep just one of them.  I call this the shot gun approach.  Depending on how you look at the whole thing (how many I kept vs how many I didn’t) will determine if this perspective is the best approach for you.

Regardless whether you take the safe approach or the shotgun approach there are a few things you can do to increase your odds of successfully keeping your new year’s resolution for the upcoming year.

1. Make it a resolution you want to keep.  As crazy as it sounds, some people will follow along with other people’s new year’s resolution.  These seldom work out because if it’s not important to you, you probably aren’t going to remember to work on it.
2. Make it an achievable goal.  Too often we set our goals so far ahead that we lose hope on our way to achieve them.  There is nothing wrong with setting lofty goals, but don’t set it so high that you lose hope and give up.
3. Develop a plan.  Even an achievable goal can seem impossible to reach without a plan.  Make them specific actions that you are going to do and stick to them.  Again, make sure that these action items are reasonable achievable
4. Hang around or read about others that are doing the same thing.  The Bible refers to this as being equally yoked.  If you can’t find people doing the same thing as you, at least look for blogs and articles on the internet for encouragement.
5. Accept that change will be required.  You can have a goal and a plan and still wind up failing to achieve your goal because you were not willing to embrace change.  Familiarity is often the enemy of achieving success.  You can’t stay where you are and expect to wind up some place different!
6. Accountability.  This one is a biggie!  To be successful you must realize that you will be tempted to go back to old behavior patterns, and give trusted people around you the right to confront you when you do.  You will also need to commit to listen to them and submit to their correction even when your feelings are screaming for you to go back to the old ways!

For those of us who would like to achieve something new or different in the upcoming year, we need to realize that it will take a certain level of effort!  If you aren’t serious enough to take these steps, or other steps like these, then don’t be surprised if you are among the majority of new year’s resolution makers in June wondering what went wrong.

Whether you make a new year’s resolution or not, I hope you have a safe new year’s eve and a wonderful new year!

Bah Humbug To Scrooge

I can’t believe that Christmas is just a few days away!  It just doesn’t seem like we’ve been listening to Christmas music and seeing Christmas decorations in stores for three months yet.   

It feels just like yesterday that I was standing in Wal-Mart near the Xbox game display on the eve of Black Friday when suddenly someone said, “It’s ten o’clock!” and they all hit the display so hard that within two minutes all the games were gone and the display was in a million pieces on the ground. It was like watching piranha attacking a piece of meat.

I would like to note here that even though I walked away from that display with the game that I had hoped to walk away with that I never pushed anyone or even touched the display.  As people were grabbing games, the one I wanted flew behind three people and feel to the ground at my feet where I was able to simply bend down, pick it up and walk away; much to the amazement of many other disappointed shoppers.  (True story!)

That coupled with the fact that I showed up at 9:45 pm and was packing up the van with almost everything on my list at 10:30 pm is going into a book I will write sometime in the future about the daily proof that there really is a God!

For those of you who have read my columns over the years you may recall that I have a bit of an “inner Scrooge.”  I love what Christmas is supposed to be about, but for many reasons I don’t like what it has turned into.  But this year is different.

This year has been great!  I have been the one turning on the Christmas music, putting out the Christmas lights and even doing the black Friday shopping when Alisa wound up sick. 

Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t all been perfect.  My inner Scrooge did make an appearance last weekend when I drove to Khols only to discover that the item that my wife bought for me to give her (which she returned to the store when she saw my face that said, “Really?  You are going to buy your own gifts this year?”  and told me two days later that she returned it and that I would need to go to the store myself to buy)  was now out of stock.

That was not a good day.  But I have since apologized for my behavior and all has been forgiven.  I am also learning to control my facial expressions in order to avoid such shopping madness in the future!  So, we won’t talk about that.

So, what has been the difference this year?  I wish I could say it was all me.  That I made this internal choice that this Christmas would be awesome and I made it so, but sadly that is not the case.  To be honest, it actually surprised me how none of the commercialization bothered me this year. 

I think I just got to the point that I decided to be a part of the solution instead of hating the problem.  It’s a whole lot more fun to look at everyone you talk to and say, “Merry Christmas!” (Especially if they just said, “Happy Holidays” to me!)  It’s exciting to focus on what can be instead of focusing on what used to be.  It fills me with hope, instead of sadness.

It’s a battle for your mind.  Not just during the Christmas season, but every day.  The Bible tells us to “renew our minds,” to “take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ” and to “dwell on what is good.”  You don’t ignore problems and pretend they don’t exist; however, you don’t have to dwell on them either.

So, when I am standing outside in the rain waiting to see Santa with my wife and children (for that is the forecast for the only time we can get our schedules synchronized) I am going to focus my thoughts on the excitement from Mitch and Jackson.  I am also going to hold on to the moment, reminding myself that there aren’t too many of these left.

This Christmas I pray that as you remember the past you focus on the good memories and choose to forgive any bad ones that come up.  I hope you stay focused at what is good, never forgetting that we are celebrating the birth of our precious Savior and Lord- Jesus Christ!  While you are at it, pray that for me too! 

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Dear Me

Watching Good Morning America with my wife this morning I saw a new book titled “Dear Me.”  The author or organizer of the book had famous people write a letter to their sixteen year old self.  Some of the celebrities were recorded reading their letters; I was amazed.

I started thinking about what I would write to my sixteen year old self.  I thought it would be easy since I have been doing youth ministry and counseling with teenagers since my early twenties.  My goal has always been to help young people make it through life with fewer scars than I had.  However, the letter was more difficult than I first thought.  Nevertheless, here it is:

Dear Johnny:

Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks about you and just be you!  You won’t find yourself on the pole vaulting runway or in the choir at church.  Both will be a lot of fun for you, but you need to find your own path and stop trying to imitate other people.

You are correct in your thinking that religion is overrated and there is something very wrong with the legalism of the church.  Sad thing is that this has been a problem from the very beginning and there are books written over 100 years ago that talk about the same problems the church is experiencing in 1984 and in 2011. 

Start your ministry now!  Don’t wait for some time in the future, and don’t bother asking anyone’s permission but God’s!  Just look as far as your arms can reach and find people who are hurting.  Use your freedom in Christ to put your talents to work as you help them.

You can’t fix anyone else.  You can only increase the odds of success in relationships; other people have their own choices to make.  Be willing to let people go that aren’t following your path!  You eventually have to leave some people behind.  It doesn’t make them bad people, just people on a different path than you.  Trying to walk two roads only leads to a lot of back tracking; so just walk yours.

Take calculated risks.  Think through your decisions, but not too much.  If they aren’t against God’s word and you want to do it, go for it!  Be willing for God to close doors.  And don’t worry about failing.  It’s just a normal step on the way to great success.  Everyone fails; they just pretend they don’t by highlighting their limited successes.

Success has nothing to do with popularity or notoriety; it is using the gifts God gave you in the freedom he provides you to minister to as many people as you can while going on the ride of your life!

Enjoy the portion of your “life’s ride” today, and everyday; don’t look too far ahead or you will miss the fun of today.  Have fun, run your race and never stop learning about your heavenly father.  The more you learn about Him, the more you will discover about yourself! 

One more thing… pump the breaks on that rainy day in June as the lady 100 feet in front of you stops in the middle of the road putting on her lipstick; slamming on your brakes will only make you slide into her!

And for the rest of you, I am curious: what would you tell your sixteen year old self?  Why don’t you write it down and share it with your own children or the youth within the reach of your arms?

What Do You Believe?

What do you believe? What do you believe about marriage, parenting, relationship, work, God, Jesus, or about the Holy Spirit and what he offers you on a daily basis?

These are important questions, because what you believe about them will affect how you act toward them and how you will allow them to influence you on a daily basis. 

Once a belief is set in place it becomes the underlying influence for all thoughts and actions for the rest of your life until it is challenged and replaced!

To better understand this concept, look in Acts 16:31 where Paul is answering his jailer who asked, “What must I do to be saved?” Paul responded, “Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ.”

In the English language there are several translations to the word “believe.” In the Greek, the language the New Testament was written in, there were several Greek words that each had a different definition for believe.

If someone were asked today, “Do you believe in God?” They could translate that to mean, “Do you suppose there is a God in heaven?” or “Do you believe in God so much that it effects your every day life?” and anywhere in between.
The Greek word “pisteuo” is used in Acts 16:31, and means to place confidence in, or to believe something so much that it becomes a part of why you do what you do.

Paul was not saying, “If you are willing to admit that Jesus was the Son of God, then that’s all you need to do!” 

What Paul was saying was, “If you are willing to allow your belief in Jesus to change your entire life, to effect every decision, to become the why you do what you do, then that is all you need to do.”

This also works in all areas of your life. Your beliefs about anything affect your thoughts about those things and then effect your actions. So, the basis of what you believe becomes the driving force of everything you do.

Here’s the struggle. Before we knew Christ as our Savior we lived according to our sinful nature. As we went through our lives living this way we developed beliefs about ourselves, others and the world. Suddenly, we become Christians and we receive a new nature. Just because we have a new nature and a new “why” to do things, doesn’t automatically erase what we have chosen to believe up to this point. 

The demonic want you to keep believing your old conclusions based on your old nature and old way of thinking. If they can keep you doing this, then there is a great chance that you will continue in old, sinful behaviors. Even if you work real hard at performing, the new actions that the church will teach you, you will eventually become tired and your beliefs will take over. 

Until you challenge your old beliefs with the truth, your beliefs won’t change. You have to go through this process so that your beliefs (your “pisteuo” in the Greek) can affect everything you do!

If you want to change anything in your life, you must go to the depths of what you believe about that person, concept or situation and challenge it with the truth. Otherwise, you may perform in a new way for a little while, but eventually you will grow weak or tired and your belief system will take back over.

Changing these beliefs can be quite a battle. You may have to admit you are wrong or go against what your family has believed for years. If that what it takes then you have to do it in order to believe.

Jesus himself said, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters- yes even their own life, such a person cannot be my disciple.” (Luke 14:26 NIV)

Know what it means to believe. Know what you believe. Know why you believe it. Then you will be prepared to make the changes necessary to live the life you are chasing after!

Johnny Walker is a Christian counselor and the founder of Family Works Counseling.

Defining Levels of Friendship

People are different, and there is nothing wrong with that; it just is.  Our needs are different, our desires are different, even how we define certain things are different, and one of those things is friendships. 

I have written before how there are different levels of friendships: acquaintances, good friends and best friends.  In that column I described these levels as a bulls eye with best friend in the center, and how people will flow through those levels because of the seasons in our life. 

For example, someone who was your best friend in college may only be a good friend or acquaintance today because they moved across the country and neither of you took the time or energy to stay connected. 

If you moved next door to each other next month it is possible that the relationship could move rather quickly from acquaintance to best friend.  It is also possible that you have taken such different paths in life that what you require for a best friend is impossible for them to meet. 

Another factor that is import to understand is how people define these levels of friendship differently and the factors that motivate how they come to those conclusions.

I require a lot out of my relationships.  For you to be included in best friend ring you have to have pretty consistent contact with me.  That contact can include me helping you with your problems, but it also has to include you being interested in hearing about my pain and help me with my issues. 

In today’s electronic world you could fall into my best friend ring if we get along and there has been a consistency in intimate contact.  By that I mean phone calls or face to face conversations.  These conversations have to go deeper than the weather, politics and other surface issues.  If you gauged the depth of relationship using the illustration of a swimming pool, I not only swim in the deep end; I know what the grate at the bottom of the deep end looks like!

Let’s say I have a friend named Mark.  Mark’s personality is different than mine.  He doesn’t enjoy people like I do.  Where I need to be around people, he enjoys people on occasion but can not have contact with them for periods of time and it not even cross his mind that he hasn’t heard from them.

Where I define a best friend by deep intimate conversations several times a week, Mark only requires a moderate level of intimacy two or three times a month for someone to fit into his best friend ring.  Marks “deep end” is what I consider the middle of the pool.

You might think because his requirements are so much easier to meet than mine that Mark would have a lot more best friends than me, but that isn’t the case.  Because he doesn’t require much contact from people, he doesn’t reach out to people that much.

What is even more interesting is that Mark might consider me a best friend if I call him and check on him twice a month.  However, Mark is only in my good friend ring as he only calls me once a month.

There is nothing wrong with Mark thinking I am one of his best friends, because according to his definitions I am.  There is also nothing wrong with me thinking he is only a good friend, as he only meets my requirements for that level of friendship.

This is important to understand because we often think if I am Mark’s best friend he has to be my best friend.  If Mark believed that then he would be spending a lot of time and energy doing things that drive him nuts!  He has no desire whatsoever to talk about deep and intimate things spiritually or otherwise.  He is a very private person and that makes him feel uncomfortable. 

Understanding that people will flow through the levels of friendship throughout the seasons our lives and that our personalities define those levels of differently enables us to enjoy each other without having unrealistic expectations of each other. 

If we don’t give others these freedoms we will find ourselves feeling rejected when we are not, requiring things out of friends that they don’t want to give, or running people off that we could have enjoyed a friendship with for many years to come.

                                                           

Johnny Walker is a Christian Counselor and can be contacted at www.FamilyWorks.net

Levels of Friendship

Everyone wants friends. Even the grumpiest of individuals wants at least one or two.  We are born with the need desire; it's innate. God created us for a relationship with Him.  He has a desire to love and be loved, and being created in His image, so do we.

When children show up at a playground they look for other little people they know, and if they don't know someone they will try to join a group or another child to play.  The sad children are usually not the ones spending time with others; they are typically the ones that are off by themselves. In fact, when my children come inside the house with sad looks on their faces and I ask them what is wrong they will say, "There is no one to play with!"

If we are built with a desire for friendship, and as children we automatically reached out for friendship, why is it that a lot of people feel lonely or are not reaching out to others?  The answer is multifaceted, but it can be summed up in one word, fear.

At some point we learn to fear others.  Maybe you were teased or excluded from a group you tried to hang out with.  Others may have been abused and learned that people couldn't be trusted. Abused children often decide that being lonely is a whole lot better than being abused, and they carry that behavioral pattern into adulthood.

In my experience as a counselor I have found that most everyone has some level of hesitancy about reaching out to others. Making friends 101 wasn't a class they taught in kindergarten, and because we are left with a trial and error method we can wind up assuming things about friendships that just aren't true.

Lately I have been working with quite a few teenagers and adults that have had misconceptions that led to dysfunctional behavior. Some of these individuals were loners, afraid to reach out because they didn't want to be rejected. Others were considered very popular and yet they were afraid to limit the number of deep friendships and found themselves exhausted, feeling used and lonely.

I want to share some simple truths about friendship that helped them through their dilemmas.

There are levels of friendships. Think of the levels as a bulls eye with the word "best" in the center, "good" in the middle ring, "acquaintance" on the outer ring, and the word "memories" outside the entire bulls eye.

Most people understand that there are levels of friendship, but what don't realize is that it is natural for people to flow in and out of those rings.  There are several reasons this phenomenon occurs; one is location.

Most friendships are seasonal. For example, you may hang out with coworkers for lunch or after work twice a week. You enjoy these times and you share a lot of your problems, interests, and joys; you may even celebrate each other's birthdays.

The relationship feels like a close friendship, but the day you stop working there you suddenly realize you don’t talk with them as much.  You might Facebook them a birthday wish, but you don't make the party, Why?  Because you aren't worthy?  No!  It's simply because you aren’t around them as much as you used to be.

Seasons can include: work, marriage, churches, the neighborhood or state you live in, life choices, death, and other life changes.

If you don't realize that friendships will flow through the different levels of friendship during the different seasons in life you can wind up feeling like there is something is wrong with you.  You might feel rejected or you might drop a friendship altogether because you expected it to always remain in the good friend level and it moved to acquaintance.

An unrealistic expectation of how long your friendships can last can lead to hurt feelings, gossip, passive aggressive behaviors, low self esteem, and even depression.

Remember, when the season of life changes friendships can move into a deeper level of friendship as well.  One of my best friends today was someone I met when i was ten years old.  There was a year in high school we didn’t hang out because of a season he was going through, and there were several years in our twenties that our friendship was in the good level instead of the best level.

As we got older we realized how rare our friendship was and we cultivated it more carefully.  Although we live on different ends of the east coast he is still a best friend.

Friendships take a lot of work.  But it's helpful to understand how seasons in life will have an effect on the level of those friendships, and that it is ok for your friendships to flow through those different levels. 

                                                           

Johnny Walker is a Christian Counselor and the founder of Family Works Counseling

A New Perspective

I just arrived back home from Montevideo, Uruguay on the red eye this morning.  I had the privilege of spending a little over a week on the outskirts of Montevideo working with Sinai Church.  It was the most amazing week; full of revelation and the power of God.

We were dedicating the new church that had been built; it is a new mission they were starting.  Before you envision a regular American church, let me give you the correct picture. 

First off, it is winter down there.  It was in the low 60’s in the day and around freezing at night.  This mission that was built was much like their homes; it was made of block and had glass windows and metal doors.  There was no central heat and it didn’t even have a fireplace. 

The electrical was crudely run and lights hung by wires that were dangling over the metal beams about 8 feet from the rough concrete floor.  They did have one space heater in the back of the 70 x 25 foot room, but they didn’t care; they just bundled up and brought their Bibles.

They showed up for all three dedications and instead of grumbling that they had to give up that time to go to a church without heat, they praised God that they could walk down the street instead of walking about a mile to Church Sinai in the next neighborhood over.

The leadership of Church Sinai had no problems with walking that mile in the freezing weather to worship with their brothers and sisters in Christ!  The only vehicles that were driven were used to drive some of their guests (our team) back and forth.

I have never seen such love, such dedication, and such a desire for the Holy Spirit of God in my entire life.  I was one of the guests invited to preach and the whole time I thought, “I should be sitting at their feet, learning from them!”  But they needed to be trained and encouraged in certain areas, so I took what I knew from my training and experience and gave it to them.  It was the most humbling experience of my life.

I sit here in shock.  Embarrassed at how I have treated my walk with the Lord, ashamed by how little I have reached out to my neighbors, crestfallen about what I haven’t taught my own children spiritually, and distraught at how I handle the wealth God has entrusted to me, and repentant for it all.

I don’t feel guilty about what I have been given; however, I have been chastised by the Lord about how I use it.  The people of Church Sinai have nothing and they give everything.  They truly understand that all they have is from the Lord and they have no problem giving it away.  They know that God will meet their needs, and they don’t confuse their needs with their desires.

The problem with being wealthy (and we are all wealthy compared to the majority of the earth’s population) is that the more you have, the more you are afraid of losing it!

You don’t have to sell all you have and give it to the poor, but we all need to look around us and intentionally seek out those in need and do all we can to help meet them.  People’s needs come in many forms: physical, financial, emotional and spiritual. 

You don’t have to travel to another country to do mission work.  I would be willing to be you wouldn’t have to look very hard to find someone in need around you.  What good does it do to preach truth to them when they are in such dire need?  The book of James tells us that it is useless! 

Start looking for some needs in your neighborhood.  Get together with your family and discuss ways to meet those needs, and then go do it!  Don’t just let people hear about God; let them feel God’s love through your hands, and train your children in the process.

That’s what I am going to do.  I hope you will join me!

                                             

Johnny Walker is a Christian counselor and life coach, and is the founder of Family Works Counseling.

What Are Your Goals?

Having goals seems like a lot of work, doesn’t it?  For most people they are like new years resolutions- a wish list.  They don’t really expect to achieve them, although it would be nice if they could.  But could is a word that is used more like an excuse instead of the first step to inspire them to achieve something better.

I used to hate setting goals, because I believed the lie that if I set a goal and didn’t meet it then I was a failure.  I also saw setting goals that other’s new about it as risking public humiliation.

The truth is even the most successful people fail on a daily basis.  The billionaires often lose millions of dollars on a venture they invested in, but that is not focused on or seen as failure.  The only thing we see is their fancy car or their big house.

Every successful person has goals, and every failure doesn’t! 

That being said there is something that needs to happen before you can set goals and be fulfilled once you reach them: you have to define what success is.  There are as many ways to define success as there are people in the world. 

Most often the word success is defined monetarily: the big house, the nice car, the large checking account.  However, we also find a lot of “successful” people in Hollywood that are empty and depressed. 

Defining success has many levels: relationships, spiritual aspects, standard of living, philanthropy, provision, the ability to inspire, the ability to create, freedom from debt, and the list goes on.

It is important to define success in each of these areas so your overall vision of success is congruent with who you are.  For example, let’s say I based my success on being able to provide better for my family and to pay for my children to go to any college they wanted to, but don’t have any goals that focus on having healthy, deep relationships with my family or teaching them spiritual truth.

By only focusing on a few area of success I would wind up achieving success in some areas of my life, but still find myself feeling empty in other areas.  It is important that your goals move you toward your define of success in all areas of your life; balance them equally. 

Once you have defined what success is to you, you can now start setting goals.  It is when we become intentional and set goals that we increase our chances of success.

In each area of success you need to set long term goals: 3-5 years, short term goals: 1 month – 2 years and daily goals.  Your daily goals should lead you toward your short term goals, and your short term goals should lead you to your long term goals.

If you only have long term goals you will eventually become discouraged and give up.  If you only have short term or daily goals you will eventually become bored. 

These goals are not wishes that you are making about the future, but obtainable steps that will continually encourage your toward your long term goal.  Achieving your short term goals should make you feel excited and proud of yourself.  It is that feeling that will encourage you forward.

It is also important to reward yourself on a regular basis.  I once looked at a fancy restaurant as said to my son, “If I get the new job we are going to celebrate as a family by eating there!”  Every time we passed that restaurant my son would say, “I can’t wait to eat there!”

Start defining what success means to you.  You may find that you are already successful, or you just might find out that you haven’t been challenging yourself enough and you can achieve more for yourself and others!

                                                           

Johnny Walker is a Christian counselor and Coach, and the founder of Family Works Counseling

You Always Suffer By Comparison!

Alisa and I have two “sets” of children: Ann Marie and John Mark are in high school and Mitch and Jackson are in elementary school. As much as Alisa and I try to treat both sets equally it is very difficult. It isn’t that we are too tired to discipline or anything like that, its just we know a little more as parents or our ability to provide for them is a little different. Don’t get me wrong, I know our older two children had a great childhood! They were happy, played with friends, were involved in sports and we went to church as a family.

I find it interesting that they don’t typically recall bad memories by themselves, but they sometimes take a good memory and turn it into a negative one by comparing themselves as children with their younger brothers. Having been raised in a similar family dynamic (I was in John Mark’s position) I can remember doing the same thing! The truth is that we all compare ourselves to others; we do it everyday!

If there is one thing I have learned about comparison as a counselor it is that everyone suffers by comparison!

Comparison is as attempt by someone to make them feel better about themselves by rating their accomplishments or abilities to someone else. Even if you are on the winning end of a comparison there is always a nagging fear that you won’t win the next one.

In fact, comparisons can take on a bullying aspect. If we see someone that is better at us in sports we might start talking about and comparing how everyone did on the math test; that is, if we did well on the math test. We learn at a very young age to take control of the comparison game to ensure a better chance of coming out on top.

Even if we don’t compare ourselves to others publicly we often look at other’s strengths and wonder why we don’t have the same ones, all the while discounting the strengths that we possess. Most of the time we don’t even realize that we are degrading ourselves; we just know we feel bad.

Instead of allowing the world to train our children to compare themselves to others, we need to intentionally train our children to make assessments and evaluate the world around them.

Comparison is very different than assessing or evaluating. Comparison has you looking at other people to see if you measure up. It’s about depending on others for your self worth.

Assessing and evaluating allows you to know who you are and has you take your morals, values and self worth out into the world to find others who are like you. Assessing means you are looking at other peoples actions to see if they have character traits and values like your own. Evaluating means you take what you just learned and decide if you are going to invest time in a relationship with that person; it helps you decide if they will be an acquaintance, close friend, or someone to avoid.

When we use comparison we risk abandoning our morals and values so we can measure up to those around us. Because God made us different so we could fulfill different purposes within his kingdom we will always see differences when we use comparison.

Comparison says those differences are bad and encourages us to pretend to be someone we are not so we can fit in. As Christians we should never compare ourselves to others. We need to know who we are in Christ, we need to recognize the gifts and abilities God has given us and we need to assess and evaluate the world around us in order to be equally yoked in friendships.

When we move from comparison to assessing and evaluating we can enjoy our relationships instead of living in fear that we will never measure up to those around us!