You Always Suffer By Comparison!
Alisa and I have two “sets” of children: Ann Marie and John Mark are in high school and Mitch and Jackson are in elementary school. As much as Alisa and I try to treat both sets equally it is very difficult. It isn’t that we are too tired to discipline or anything like that, its just we know a little more as parents or our ability to provide for them is a little different. Don’t get me wrong, I know our older two children had a great childhood! They were happy, played with friends, were involved in sports and we went to church as a family.
I find it interesting that they don’t typically recall bad memories by themselves, but they sometimes take a good memory and turn it into a negative one by comparing themselves as children with their younger brothers. Having been raised in a similar family dynamic (I was in John Mark’s position) I can remember doing the same thing! The truth is that we all compare ourselves to others; we do it everyday!
If there is one thing I have learned about comparison as a counselor it is that everyone suffers by comparison!
Comparison is as attempt by someone to make them feel better about themselves by rating their accomplishments or abilities to someone else. Even if you are on the winning end of a comparison there is always a nagging fear that you won’t win the next one.
In fact, comparisons can take on a bullying aspect. If we see someone that is better at us in sports we might start talking about and comparing how everyone did on the math test; that is, if we did well on the math test. We learn at a very young age to take control of the comparison game to ensure a better chance of coming out on top.
Even if we don’t compare ourselves to others publicly we often look at other’s strengths and wonder why we don’t have the same ones, all the while discounting the strengths that we possess. Most of the time we don’t even realize that we are degrading ourselves; we just know we feel bad.
Instead of allowing the world to train our children to compare themselves to others, we need to intentionally train our children to make assessments and evaluate the world around them.
Comparison is very different than assessing or evaluating. Comparison has you looking at other people to see if you measure up. It’s about depending on others for your self worth.
Assessing and evaluating allows you to know who you are and has you take your morals, values and self worth out into the world to find others who are like you. Assessing means you are looking at other peoples actions to see if they have character traits and values like your own. Evaluating means you take what you just learned and decide if you are going to invest time in a relationship with that person; it helps you decide if they will be an acquaintance, close friend, or someone to avoid.
When we use comparison we risk abandoning our morals and values so we can measure up to those around us. Because God made us different so we could fulfill different purposes within his kingdom we will always see differences when we use comparison.
Comparison says those differences are bad and encourages us to pretend to be someone we are not so we can fit in. As Christians we should never compare ourselves to others. We need to know who we are in Christ, we need to recognize the gifts and abilities God has given us and we need to assess and evaluate the world around us in order to be equally yoked in friendships.
When we move from comparison to assessing and evaluating we can enjoy our relationships instead of living in fear that we will never measure up to those around us!
I find it interesting that they don’t typically recall bad memories by themselves, but they sometimes take a good memory and turn it into a negative one by comparing themselves as children with their younger brothers. Having been raised in a similar family dynamic (I was in John Mark’s position) I can remember doing the same thing! The truth is that we all compare ourselves to others; we do it everyday!
If there is one thing I have learned about comparison as a counselor it is that everyone suffers by comparison!
Comparison is as attempt by someone to make them feel better about themselves by rating their accomplishments or abilities to someone else. Even if you are on the winning end of a comparison there is always a nagging fear that you won’t win the next one.
In fact, comparisons can take on a bullying aspect. If we see someone that is better at us in sports we might start talking about and comparing how everyone did on the math test; that is, if we did well on the math test. We learn at a very young age to take control of the comparison game to ensure a better chance of coming out on top.
Even if we don’t compare ourselves to others publicly we often look at other’s strengths and wonder why we don’t have the same ones, all the while discounting the strengths that we possess. Most of the time we don’t even realize that we are degrading ourselves; we just know we feel bad.
Instead of allowing the world to train our children to compare themselves to others, we need to intentionally train our children to make assessments and evaluate the world around them.
Comparison is very different than assessing or evaluating. Comparison has you looking at other people to see if you measure up. It’s about depending on others for your self worth.
Assessing and evaluating allows you to know who you are and has you take your morals, values and self worth out into the world to find others who are like you. Assessing means you are looking at other peoples actions to see if they have character traits and values like your own. Evaluating means you take what you just learned and decide if you are going to invest time in a relationship with that person; it helps you decide if they will be an acquaintance, close friend, or someone to avoid.
When we use comparison we risk abandoning our morals and values so we can measure up to those around us. Because God made us different so we could fulfill different purposes within his kingdom we will always see differences when we use comparison.
Comparison says those differences are bad and encourages us to pretend to be someone we are not so we can fit in. As Christians we should never compare ourselves to others. We need to know who we are in Christ, we need to recognize the gifts and abilities God has given us and we need to assess and evaluate the world around us in order to be equally yoked in friendships.
When we move from comparison to assessing and evaluating we can enjoy our relationships instead of living in fear that we will never measure up to those around us!
posted by Johnny Walker at 5:51 AM
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