The Law of Action

There are laws that govern relationships, just like there are laws that govern physics. These laws are in place and affect us on a daily basis whether we recognize them or not. The more we understand these laws, the safer we become and the greater the chance we have to achieve success. One of the laws of relationships is the law of action.

The law of action revolves around the principal that relationships are always in motion. We may describe a relationship we are in as stagnate, but the truth is that it is not standing perfectly still. It may be slowly moving into disaster, but it is moving.

Another example of the law of action working in our lives is the fact that we always act or react to the relationships around us. Sometimes we will act or react aggressively, either physically or verbally. Other times we may react passive aggressively. In fact, if someone lacks a reaction at all we will worry that something is wrong with them, and if that behavior continues we will probably get them evaluated for a mental disorder.

This law is motivated by us. The good news is that we have a say in how this law affects our lives. The bad news is that we are responsible for how this law affects our lives, whether we want to be or not! It is always motivated by something that we have the opportunity to be in control of: our desires, our goals, or our emotions.

Desires are things we want in our lives, but don’t have yet. Desires are a big motivator in most of our lives and will usually turn into one of two things: goals or emotions. We increase having our desires met by setting goals or having a plan.

It is important when setting a goal, that you are setting it for yourself and not for someone else. If your goal is for someone else to do something, you are already out of control of the situation. By keeping the goal you set in the forefront of our minds you increase your ability to deny an emotional response to a situation.

Let’s make this simple. Jimmy was arrested last month for assaulting a police officer. He is on probation, which means if he gets in trouble with the law again he will serve the rest of his probation time in jail. Jimmy, not a typical goal setting kind of guy, now has a goal: to stay out of jail!

Jimmy is at a bar when a man makes a move on his girlfriend. Jimmy’s typical response would be to grab the guy by the collar of his shirt and punch him in the face. Jimmy starts into his normal routine by grabbing the guy by the collar, but something happens. A little voice inside his head says, “If you do this you will probably have to spend the next six months in jail.”

At this point Jimmy has a choice to make, does he deny his urges and increase the chances of reaching his goal, or does he just give into emotion?

The principal at play here in the law of action is this: by setting a goal you increase the odds of success in your life, and take control back from your emotions. The more important the goal is to you, the greater the chance you have of denying your emotional impulse and taking a step toward success.

One way we keep our goals in mind is through positive self talk. In our example above, Jimmy was about to slam his fist into the face of the guy who hit on his girlfriend. As his fist is in the air Jimmy could say to himself, “This guy isn’t worth going to jail.”

Another way we can keep our goals in mind is by hanging around people who will encourage us. What if Jimmy’s girlfriend ran up to him and said, “He’s not worth it Jimmy! I don’t want you to go to jail!”

Again, Jimmy is in total control of his decisions. Maybe not his emotions, but at that moment he has to decide if he is going to allow his emotions to control him and the outcome, or is he going to take control over this decision. By repeating to himself what is important to him, and having his girlfriend do the same, he is increasing the odds that he will not give into emotion.

This is not an easy process as you will have to give up the habit of giving in to your emotions, which have probably been in control most of the time. But by having a clear goal, daily reminding yourself of those goals, and having others remind you of those goals you increase your odds of success in your life and in your relationships.

Johnny Walker is a Christian Counselor and the founder of Family Works Counseling