Teens and Stress

Most parents reading the title of this column would simply say “I agree” and move on, because having a teenager does cause a parents stress level to increase. There is more to worry about, more car insurance to buy, and more private investigators to hire. But what about the stress that teenagers are going through; and what are parents doing to reduce it, or worse yet, to cause it?

“You are accusing us of causing our teenagers to stress,” You ask? In a nutshell, yes! A 2000 survey done by Teen Magazine showed that there is a direct link between a teenager’s stress and their relationship with parents.

According to the survey teenagers reported that having a close relationship with their parents reduced their stress. Imagine that! It wasn’t getting everything they wanted from the store, but a close relationship with their parents that reduced stress. (It must have been a trick survey!)

Nevertheless, the survey showed that girls with a close relationship with their parents stressed less about guys and dating as well as less stress about having the “right look.”

One of the major causes of stress in a teenager is trying to deal with difficult situations without having sufficient resources to help guide them, and there is no better guide for a teenager than their parents.

I realize that most teenagers express their desire for independence. They often say they want to handle their own problems, but the truth is that they don’t. When they say that they are trying to convey the message that they don’t want to be told exactly what to do, but they still want help.

A teenager wants to know that they can talk with their parents without being treated like a child. This is where communication comes in. When your teen was a child your communication was more along the lines of telling them what to do. As they become teenagers it needs to become more and more a two way street.

Keeping the lines of communication open is easier when talking about third party situations than with personal ones. For example, after watching a television show where the girl made a bad decision on who to date ask your teenager what they think she should have done.

This enables them to talk about an area of their life that is important to them without feeling personally attacked. It also allows you as the parent to discuss the situation without so much emotion and worry attached to it.

As your teenager becomes more comfortable talking to you about different situations they are more likely to talk to you about personal ones when they arise.

It is important that your parenting is proactive and not reactive. Reach back into your past and remember the difficulties you had. Find opportunities to discuss those types of situations with your teenager so that they are prepared in advance to deal with those difficult situations before they experience them.

By doing this you will open the lines of communication and your teenager will see you as a resource for them to come to instead of an enemy to avoid.
Johnny Walker is a Christian Counselor and the founder of Family Works Counseling. You can reach him at (770) 456-5547