The What and Why of it All
As a police officer and as a counselor I am constantly asking people questions, attempting to find out information. As I was sitting and reflecting the other night on the two professions that I am involved in, I began to realize that even though they overlap quite well, I have a tendency to ask different questions in each one.
In law enforcement we are predominantly interested in “what happened.” It is a basic information gathering question. Factual and keeps things on the surface. The famous line from the television series Dragnet was, “The facts, ma’am, just the facts!” Joe Friday didn’t care why something happened, for him to take action it only mattered what happened. It’s what a police officer needs to know in order to do his job.
The only problem with this line of questioning is that it seldom solves the problem long term. Ask any police officer and he will tell you that he has gone to the same house over and over, and has even arrested the same people over and over. They know what they’ve done and they deal with it, but because the root of the problem is not dealt with, the problem continues to resurface.
As a counselor I may start off with the “what” type of questions, but if I am going to be able to help someone make the necessary changes in their lives I will eventually have to ask “why.”
Why is important because it digs deep and gets to the root of the problem. As I continued to reflect on this I began to think about relationships. People typically don’t want to go deep. Oh, they say that they do, but when they begin to old pains begin to resurface and they run back to the surface again in order to keep them buried.
Back on the surface they stick with the “what” questions in order to temporarily deal with the issues. And just like to police officer they wind up fixing the problem short term. Their fear of letting someone in and revealing their old hurts is too much, so they go for the quick fixes. They ask “What do I need to do in order to be happy right now?” instead of, “Why do I constantly do that?”
When we ask ourselves “why,” we are at the beginning of true self-discovery. It is only then we are able to reveal the hurts of our past, confront the lies we began to believe about ourselves, and replace those lies with the truth in order to move forward.
If you are having difficulties in your interpersonal relationships review how you have been handling those problems. Have you been focused on what to do to fix it short term, or are you looking at the patterns of your behavior and asking yourself why you keep doing that?
The questions you are willing to ask yourself will determine the long term success of your relationships.
Johnny Walker is a Christian Counselor and the founder of Family Works Counseling. You can reach him at (770) 456-5547.
In law enforcement we are predominantly interested in “what happened.” It is a basic information gathering question. Factual and keeps things on the surface. The famous line from the television series Dragnet was, “The facts, ma’am, just the facts!” Joe Friday didn’t care why something happened, for him to take action it only mattered what happened. It’s what a police officer needs to know in order to do his job.
The only problem with this line of questioning is that it seldom solves the problem long term. Ask any police officer and he will tell you that he has gone to the same house over and over, and has even arrested the same people over and over. They know what they’ve done and they deal with it, but because the root of the problem is not dealt with, the problem continues to resurface.
As a counselor I may start off with the “what” type of questions, but if I am going to be able to help someone make the necessary changes in their lives I will eventually have to ask “why.”
Why is important because it digs deep and gets to the root of the problem. As I continued to reflect on this I began to think about relationships. People typically don’t want to go deep. Oh, they say that they do, but when they begin to old pains begin to resurface and they run back to the surface again in order to keep them buried.
Back on the surface they stick with the “what” questions in order to temporarily deal with the issues. And just like to police officer they wind up fixing the problem short term. Their fear of letting someone in and revealing their old hurts is too much, so they go for the quick fixes. They ask “What do I need to do in order to be happy right now?” instead of, “Why do I constantly do that?”
When we ask ourselves “why,” we are at the beginning of true self-discovery. It is only then we are able to reveal the hurts of our past, confront the lies we began to believe about ourselves, and replace those lies with the truth in order to move forward.
If you are having difficulties in your interpersonal relationships review how you have been handling those problems. Have you been focused on what to do to fix it short term, or are you looking at the patterns of your behavior and asking yourself why you keep doing that?
The questions you are willing to ask yourself will determine the long term success of your relationships.
Johnny Walker is a Christian Counselor and the founder of Family Works Counseling. You can reach him at (770) 456-5547.
posted by Johnny Walker at 11:41 AM
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