Guidelines for Effective Discipline (Part 2)

When my column on Guidelines for Effective Discipline ran in the newspaper a few weeks ago, part of the column was inadvertently deleted during the editing process. In the last part of the column there was supposed a list of effective discipline techniques. Instead what it read was: “This is effective discipline for teenagers: Timeout.”

This is not true, and I felt it was necessary to share with you the techniques I believe are helpful for you to become a more effective disciplinarian. What you should have read was:

Effective discipline separates the child from their behavior. Instead of attacking the child you are attacking the behavior.

1. Setting Clear Boundaries. Let your child know exactly what you expect and what sort of discipline they will face if they chose to disobey.
2. The One Warning System. You can warn your children when they are getting close to crossing a boundary you have set, but don’t warn them more than once or it will be seen as a threat.

3. Consistency. For boundaries to remain clear you must discipline your child every time he crosses it. The moment you fail to be consistent they will start to see the boundary as only a threat.

4. Confronting Behaviors. If your child is acting like a spoiled brat you can say, “You are acting like a spoiled child, and that is not who you are. I expect this to stop and if it doesn’t (insert discipline here) will happen.” Don’t forget to follow through.

5. Grace. Grace is giving something to a child that they don’t deserve. If they are grounded for a week and they have made the necessary attitude adjustments, it is ok to lessen the discipline. It teaches them what God has done for all of us. But use this sparingly or you will be seen as a pushover.

6. Spanking. Corporal punishment can be very effective. I encourage parents to use their hands so they can feel how hard they are hitting. This should wane by the teen years as it can cause older children to rise up and hit back, and should never be done while angry.

7. Grounding. Some children are very social creatures. Keeping them from their friends can be a very effective tool in molding their attitudes and actions. (This is very effective with teenagers.)

8. Time Out. Separating your child from the situation can give him and you the time needed for tempers to calm down.

9. Sitting in the Corner. A variation of time out that can be effective for children who have a tendency to wander around a room and play when they are supposed to be in time out. Expect to have to sit there and monitor them, or check on them every few minutes.

It is very important that the discipline be age appropriate. What worked when you child was eight probably won’t work when they are thirteen. It is also important to avoid humiliating your child. Discipline is about giving negative consequences for wrong behavior. It should be well thought through, not done in anger, and never used as a way to “get even.” When clear boundaries are set and age appropriate discipline is dispensed consistently, I believe you will begin to see a change in your child’s behavior for the better.

Johnny Walker is a Christian Counselor and the founder of Family Works Counseling. You can reach him at (770) 456-5547