Relationship Busters
There is not a relationship out there that hasn’t gone through difficult times. In fact, most couples can point to a time where they were worried that their relationship may not make it. During these difficult times we reach out for help, but where we reach out can determine the difference between actually finding help and damaging our relationship further.
The first place we typically reach out for help is our friends. These people care about us; they wouldn’t steer us in the wrong direction, right? The problem with going to our friends is that they are on our side. Oftentimes they simply tell us what we want to hear. The support they give us may make us feel better for the moment, but they are only looking out for us, not necessarily our relationship.
We also go to our family for advice. I don’t care how long you have been married and how much your parents like your spouse, blood is thicker than water! Even if your family member gives you good advice and helps you and your spouse stay together, you still have to eat Thanksgiving dinner together.
What I mean by this is simple. The more you talk negatively about your spouse to your family, the more difficult time your spouse is going to have getting along with your them. You may be able to quickly forgive your spouse for their hurtful comments, but your mother or father will remember it for a long time. By going to them for advice you are damaging their relationship with your spouse, which will affect you in the long run.
Another common place we get advice for our marriage is from a member of the opposite sex. Most of the time we find this person at work, and it is the most dangerous person to go to for advice. We often rationalize our behavior by saying that we are tying to find out information from our spouses perspective, but what is really going on is we are looking for acceptance and approval from a member of the opposite sex.
By doing this we are jeopardizing our marriages even further because the message we are sending this person is that we are unhappy in our marriage and that we are emotionally vulnerable. This person will often tell you what you want to hear and you will find yourself wondering why your spouse can’t be as understanding as this person.
This sort of comparison is unfair and dangerous. It is unfair because typically you are comparing years of hurt and baggage to just a few weeks of infatuation. It is dangerous because the nature of infatuation is superficial emotions. This “emotional quickie” will always win when compared to the hurtful issues in your marriage. Once this occurs, you are one step closer to having a sexual affair.
If you are experiencing frustration in your marriage use your friends and family for support and encouragement, but limit the negative details. Seek help from a trained professional. Counselors are not only trained to help people through difficult times, they are not biased. They will tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.
Johnny Walker is a Christian Counselor and the founder of Family Works Counseling. You can find archived columns on the internet at www.familyworks.blogspot.com
The first place we typically reach out for help is our friends. These people care about us; they wouldn’t steer us in the wrong direction, right? The problem with going to our friends is that they are on our side. Oftentimes they simply tell us what we want to hear. The support they give us may make us feel better for the moment, but they are only looking out for us, not necessarily our relationship.
We also go to our family for advice. I don’t care how long you have been married and how much your parents like your spouse, blood is thicker than water! Even if your family member gives you good advice and helps you and your spouse stay together, you still have to eat Thanksgiving dinner together.
What I mean by this is simple. The more you talk negatively about your spouse to your family, the more difficult time your spouse is going to have getting along with your them. You may be able to quickly forgive your spouse for their hurtful comments, but your mother or father will remember it for a long time. By going to them for advice you are damaging their relationship with your spouse, which will affect you in the long run.
Another common place we get advice for our marriage is from a member of the opposite sex. Most of the time we find this person at work, and it is the most dangerous person to go to for advice. We often rationalize our behavior by saying that we are tying to find out information from our spouses perspective, but what is really going on is we are looking for acceptance and approval from a member of the opposite sex.
By doing this we are jeopardizing our marriages even further because the message we are sending this person is that we are unhappy in our marriage and that we are emotionally vulnerable. This person will often tell you what you want to hear and you will find yourself wondering why your spouse can’t be as understanding as this person.
This sort of comparison is unfair and dangerous. It is unfair because typically you are comparing years of hurt and baggage to just a few weeks of infatuation. It is dangerous because the nature of infatuation is superficial emotions. This “emotional quickie” will always win when compared to the hurtful issues in your marriage. Once this occurs, you are one step closer to having a sexual affair.
If you are experiencing frustration in your marriage use your friends and family for support and encouragement, but limit the negative details. Seek help from a trained professional. Counselors are not only trained to help people through difficult times, they are not biased. They will tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.
Johnny Walker is a Christian Counselor and the founder of Family Works Counseling. You can find archived columns on the internet at www.familyworks.blogspot.com
posted by Johnny Walker at 10:34 AM
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