Finishing Is All That Matters

I can remember the evening Chris walked into my office. He was dressed in black and his hair was long and unkempt. His very presence exuded rebellion.

Chris professed to be an atheist, hated the church and used drugs as an escape. To say Chris was a drug addict wouldn't be quite accurate; he was addicted to feeling good. He didn't seem to care about any certain drug, he just didn't want to feel bad.

I wish I could say that by the time he left me he was a Christian and high on Jesus instead of drugs, but that wouldn't be the truth. Through our conversations he did stop professing atheism and began to share is frustration with the "plastics" at church. He admitted God was there but was still struggling with making a commitment to Christ. (He didn't want to be like everyone else.)

Chris left me for rehab; I was only there to walk with him on a portion of his journey to the cross. There were many others before and after me! I remember the Sunday morning he found me in the church parking lot to tell me he had accepted Christ as his Savior. You couldn't pry the smile from his face!

It wasn't many months after that day when I heard the news that Chris had been diagnosed with cancer. My heart broke. "Not Chris," I thought, "Not this teenager who ran to drugs to mask his pain. How will he handle this?" I began to pray; along with many, many others.

A few months ago Chris returned one of my phone calls. We met for lunch where I anticipated I would spend time building him up and encouraging him. I sat there in amazement as Chris testified for over an hour about how incredible his life was. He looked at me and said, "I don't know if I have two hours, two days, two weeks, two months, two years or twenty years. All I know is that whatever my lifetime is, I am to spend it glorifying God!"

I looked at him across the table and said, "You are my hero!" He just smiled and blushed.

Chris went to be with our Lord on the Eve of Easter 2009. He never faltered in his faith! He finished his race; his earthly lifetime was over. One of my heros is gone from the face of the earth.

Chris wasn't my hero because he used to do drugs and became a Christian. He was my hero because this young man in his late teens, this baby Christian, faced such pain and adversity that would send most people to curse God in such a manor that he earned my respect and admiration.

It was how he finished the race that won my heart. Amid all his imperfections he stood before God on Easter morning and heard those words I long to hear from Jesus, "Well done my good and faithful servant!"

Way to go, Chris! Great finish! I'll see you later!

Johnny Walker is a Christian Counselor and the founder of Family Works Counseling.

The Law of Commonality

Most marriages are built on the foundation of infatuation, otherwise known as sexual attraction. More proper people will call it “chemistry.” Let’s face it; most of us didn’t know what love was when we first got married. We were totally wrapped up in our fiancé and we were willing to commit the rest of our lives to them. Of course 60% of us didn’t really mean it when we said, “for better or for worse.” (And that is the percentage of divorces of church going Christians!)

I think we are seeing so many divorces today because of the law of commonality. The law of commonality simply states that “strong relationships are built on strong common bonds.” Unfortunately for most Americans, infatuation is not a strong common bond.

Common sense proves this law. We select friendships based on commonalities. We may play a sport with them, we may work with them, growing up we were in the same class and liked to do the same things. Police officers from different states and countries have an automatic bond between them when they meet. Why? Because they have similar experiences that most of the world’s population doesn’t. The same holds true for war veterans!

We can look at history and see this law in action. Strong nations are built on commonalities. “United we stand, divided we fall!” Our nation was strong when we were a melting pot; when different cultures came together and found common ground. We began to fall apart when we changed to a “salad bowl” back in the 1980’s and started claiming that by celebrating our differences we would become a stronger nation!

Did you know that most first marriages are based on infatuation while more second marriages are based on friendship? Teenagers think it’s gross to be attracted to a friend of the opposite sex. The truth is that when they are ready to look for a life long mate, their greatest chances of success will come from finding a friend to fall in love with! The most successful marriages are those who enjoy doing things together.

Even scripture talks about this law. 2 Corinthians 6:14 states “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.” Our friendships, our dating relationships, our marriages will all find more success if we simply submit to this truth. It starts with the commonality of Christianity, but it doesn’t stop there. God wants us to enjoy each other and gives us a guideline to find friends and spouses that we have a lot in common with!

Ignoring the law of commonality will develop weak relationships. Weak relationships increase divorce, strife and it can even destroy nations!

You may have started your marriage off with infatuation, but you can still begin to explore each other’s interests and find those activities and values you have in common. Focusing on your differences will tear you apart and leave you and your children in the wake of divorce. But by finding those common threads and focusing your attention there, you will find more enjoyment in your relationship and that can lead to discovering commonalities you never knew you had!

Johnny Walker is a Christian Counselor and the founder of Family Works Counseling. You can reach him at 770-456-5547.

The Law of Action

There are laws that govern relationships, just like there are laws that govern physics. These laws are in place and affect us on a daily basis whether we recognize them or not. The more we understand these laws, the safer we become and the greater the chance we have to achieve success. One of the laws of relationships is the law of action.

The law of action revolves around the principal that relationships are always in motion. We may describe a relationship we are in as stagnate, but the truth is that it is not standing perfectly still. It may be slowly moving into disaster, but it is moving.

Another example of the law of action working in our lives is the fact that we always act or react to the relationships around us. Sometimes we will act or react aggressively, either physically or verbally. Other times we may react passive aggressively. In fact, if someone lacks a reaction at all we will worry that something is wrong with them, and if that behavior continues we will probably get them evaluated for a mental disorder.

This law is motivated by us. The good news is that we have a say in how this law affects our lives. The bad news is that we are responsible for how this law affects our lives, whether we want to be or not! It is always motivated by something that we have the opportunity to be in control of: our desires, our goals, or our emotions.

Desires are things we want in our lives, but don’t have yet. Desires are a big motivator in most of our lives and will usually turn into one of two things: goals or emotions. We increase having our desires met by setting goals or having a plan.

It is important when setting a goal, that you are setting it for yourself and not for someone else. If your goal is for someone else to do something, you are already out of control of the situation. By keeping the goal you set in the forefront of our minds you increase your ability to deny an emotional response to a situation.

Let’s make this simple. Jimmy was arrested last month for assaulting a police officer. He is on probation, which means if he gets in trouble with the law again he will serve the rest of his probation time in jail. Jimmy, not a typical goal setting kind of guy, now has a goal: to stay out of jail!

Jimmy is at a bar when a man makes a move on his girlfriend. Jimmy’s typical response would be to grab the guy by the collar of his shirt and punch him in the face. Jimmy starts into his normal routine by grabbing the guy by the collar, but something happens. A little voice inside his head says, “If you do this you will probably have to spend the next six months in jail.”

At this point Jimmy has a choice to make, does he deny his urges and increase the chances of reaching his goal, or does he just give into emotion?

The principal at play here in the law of action is this: by setting a goal you increase the odds of success in your life, and take control back from your emotions. The more important the goal is to you, the greater the chance you have of denying your emotional impulse and taking a step toward success.

One way we keep our goals in mind is through positive self talk. In our example above, Jimmy was about to slam his fist into the face of the guy who hit on his girlfriend. As his fist is in the air Jimmy could say to himself, “This guy isn’t worth going to jail.”

Another way we can keep our goals in mind is by hanging around people who will encourage us. What if Jimmy’s girlfriend ran up to him and said, “He’s not worth it Jimmy! I don’t want you to go to jail!”

Again, Jimmy is in total control of his decisions. Maybe not his emotions, but at that moment he has to decide if he is going to allow his emotions to control him and the outcome, or is he going to take control over this decision. By repeating to himself what is important to him, and having his girlfriend do the same, he is increasing the odds that he will not give into emotion.

This is not an easy process as you will have to give up the habit of giving in to your emotions, which have probably been in control most of the time. But by having a clear goal, daily reminding yourself of those goals, and having others remind you of those goals you increase your odds of success in your life and in your relationships.

Johnny Walker is a Christian Counselor and the founder of Family Works Counseling