What Are Your Goals?

Having goals seems like a lot of work, doesn’t it?  For most people they are like new years resolutions- a wish list.  They don’t really expect to achieve them, although it would be nice if they could.  But could is a word that is used more like an excuse instead of the first step to inspire them to achieve something better.

I used to hate setting goals, because I believed the lie that if I set a goal and didn’t meet it then I was a failure.  I also saw setting goals that other’s new about it as risking public humiliation.

The truth is even the most successful people fail on a daily basis.  The billionaires often lose millions of dollars on a venture they invested in, but that is not focused on or seen as failure.  The only thing we see is their fancy car or their big house.

Every successful person has goals, and every failure doesn’t! 

That being said there is something that needs to happen before you can set goals and be fulfilled once you reach them: you have to define what success is.  There are as many ways to define success as there are people in the world. 

Most often the word success is defined monetarily: the big house, the nice car, the large checking account.  However, we also find a lot of “successful” people in Hollywood that are empty and depressed. 

Defining success has many levels: relationships, spiritual aspects, standard of living, philanthropy, provision, the ability to inspire, the ability to create, freedom from debt, and the list goes on.

It is important to define success in each of these areas so your overall vision of success is congruent with who you are.  For example, let’s say I based my success on being able to provide better for my family and to pay for my children to go to any college they wanted to, but don’t have any goals that focus on having healthy, deep relationships with my family or teaching them spiritual truth.

By only focusing on a few area of success I would wind up achieving success in some areas of my life, but still find myself feeling empty in other areas.  It is important that your goals move you toward your define of success in all areas of your life; balance them equally. 

Once you have defined what success is to you, you can now start setting goals.  It is when we become intentional and set goals that we increase our chances of success.

In each area of success you need to set long term goals: 3-5 years, short term goals: 1 month – 2 years and daily goals.  Your daily goals should lead you toward your short term goals, and your short term goals should lead you to your long term goals.

If you only have long term goals you will eventually become discouraged and give up.  If you only have short term or daily goals you will eventually become bored. 

These goals are not wishes that you are making about the future, but obtainable steps that will continually encourage your toward your long term goal.  Achieving your short term goals should make you feel excited and proud of yourself.  It is that feeling that will encourage you forward.

It is also important to reward yourself on a regular basis.  I once looked at a fancy restaurant as said to my son, “If I get the new job we are going to celebrate as a family by eating there!”  Every time we passed that restaurant my son would say, “I can’t wait to eat there!”

Start defining what success means to you.  You may find that you are already successful, or you just might find out that you haven’t been challenging yourself enough and you can achieve more for yourself and others!

                                                           

Johnny Walker is a Christian counselor and Coach, and the founder of Family Works Counseling

You Always Suffer By Comparison!

Alisa and I have two “sets” of children: Ann Marie and John Mark are in high school and Mitch and Jackson are in elementary school. As much as Alisa and I try to treat both sets equally it is very difficult. It isn’t that we are too tired to discipline or anything like that, its just we know a little more as parents or our ability to provide for them is a little different. Don’t get me wrong, I know our older two children had a great childhood! They were happy, played with friends, were involved in sports and we went to church as a family.

I find it interesting that they don’t typically recall bad memories by themselves, but they sometimes take a good memory and turn it into a negative one by comparing themselves as children with their younger brothers. Having been raised in a similar family dynamic (I was in John Mark’s position) I can remember doing the same thing! The truth is that we all compare ourselves to others; we do it everyday!

If there is one thing I have learned about comparison as a counselor it is that everyone suffers by comparison!

Comparison is as attempt by someone to make them feel better about themselves by rating their accomplishments or abilities to someone else. Even if you are on the winning end of a comparison there is always a nagging fear that you won’t win the next one.

In fact, comparisons can take on a bullying aspect. If we see someone that is better at us in sports we might start talking about and comparing how everyone did on the math test; that is, if we did well on the math test. We learn at a very young age to take control of the comparison game to ensure a better chance of coming out on top.

Even if we don’t compare ourselves to others publicly we often look at other’s strengths and wonder why we don’t have the same ones, all the while discounting the strengths that we possess. Most of the time we don’t even realize that we are degrading ourselves; we just know we feel bad.

Instead of allowing the world to train our children to compare themselves to others, we need to intentionally train our children to make assessments and evaluate the world around them.

Comparison is very different than assessing or evaluating. Comparison has you looking at other people to see if you measure up. It’s about depending on others for your self worth.

Assessing and evaluating allows you to know who you are and has you take your morals, values and self worth out into the world to find others who are like you. Assessing means you are looking at other peoples actions to see if they have character traits and values like your own. Evaluating means you take what you just learned and decide if you are going to invest time in a relationship with that person; it helps you decide if they will be an acquaintance, close friend, or someone to avoid.

When we use comparison we risk abandoning our morals and values so we can measure up to those around us. Because God made us different so we could fulfill different purposes within his kingdom we will always see differences when we use comparison.

Comparison says those differences are bad and encourages us to pretend to be someone we are not so we can fit in. As Christians we should never compare ourselves to others. We need to know who we are in Christ, we need to recognize the gifts and abilities God has given us and we need to assess and evaluate the world around us in order to be equally yoked in friendships.

When we move from comparison to assessing and evaluating we can enjoy our relationships instead of living in fear that we will never measure up to those around us!

Why Bad Things Happen

I am not sure if there is an increase in the number of disasters in the world today compared to forty years ago or if it just feels that way because of modern technology. Forty years ago we might have seen a picture in the paper about the tsunami in Japan; today if we have enough notice there are web cams we can access to watch it occur live! At the very least the images are thrown in front of your faces over and over on CNN, MSNBC and Fox News.

Regardless of how often they are occurring, there is one question that seems to get asked especially by those who were directly affected by the disaster. That question is “Why?” “Why did my house get hit and not my neighbors?” “If it is true that God spared them, why didn’t he spare me?”

Why do bad things happen? The simple answer is Satan. In scripture Satan is referred to as the prince of this world (John 12:31, John 14:30). He is also called the god of this age in 2 Corinthians 4:4. In Ephesians 6:12 we are told that “our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

Look at those words: rulers, authorities and powers. Although God is in control it would seem that scripture indicates that Satan has power and authority here on earth, at least for now. So where did he get that power? Why would God create a world and then turn it over to Satan?

The answer is, “He didn’t!”

If we look back in Genesis 1:28-29 we see God’s blessing over Adam and Eve after he created them. He gave mankind dominion over the world. That dominion came with a warning not to eat of one tree, the tree of knowledge of good and evil. We all know the end of this story; they chose to eat and sin entered into the world.

Looking at the totality of scripture it seems that we are the ones who were given dominion and when we sinned we transferred that dominion over to Satan. Satan hates mankind because God loves mankind.

We find in the story of Job that Satan uses disasters in an attempt to lead us away from God. We also find that God blesses those who remain faithful to him in spite of their circumstances.

The promises of God that we find in scripture aren’t the promises of a better life in the world. He doesn’t promise worldly success and riches. His word shows a promise of strength in the midst of adversity (1 Corinthians 10:13), a promise that we will never have to face trouble alone (Matthew 28:20), and a promise of peace in spite of circumstances (Philippians 4:4-7). These are just a few of the promises of God.

God chose at the beginning of time to allow free will. He had to in order for us to truly have a relationship with Him. Throughout scripture we see periodic intervention by God, but each time it seems to be focused on creating a better relationship with Him. God provided the ultimate intervention for mankind when he allowed his own Son to be murdered in our place.

Satan has power, but he is not in complete control! Sin, death, pain, troubles, and more entered in the world at the first bite of the forbidden fruit.

Know that bad things will continue to occur until Christ comes back for the final battle. Know that we are not promised a perfect life. Let’s face it, we won the genetic lottery being born in America; however, even America is proof that we can not build a perfect society.

Don’t seek peace among the treasures of this world. Seek God in good times and bad. Prepare for bad times and remain faithful to Him and you will reap the true promises of God!

I don’t pretend to understand it all, but I do know that there is a time for everything. I do know that Christ will return and there will eventually be a new heaven and a new earth. But until then be comforted with the words Jesus used in John 16:33 to comfort his own disciples before he was crucified, “I have told you these things so that in me (Jesus) you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Johnny Walker is a Christian Counselor and the founder of Family Works Counseling.